How To Deal With Grief

Dealing with grief is one of the worst things one can go through.

My father passed away on February 5, 2022. Since then, this shock has truly taken a toll on my life, and quite honestly– it’s been hard for me. Everyday, I make a decision that today will be a better day than yesterday. This has gotten me through the first month. Some days are better than others, and that’s just a part of the cycle. I may have a day where I’m mentally strong, and the next day I may see a dad walking his kids to the school bus and will immediately cry.  The reminders of fatherly love shake me up. It makes me happy to see, but when I think of my current circumstances I get upset because I will never see my dad again.

For me, it’s been extremely hard to realize that now I must discuss him in past tense; realizing that he will never see me walk down the aisle at my wedding, or even walk me down the aisle. He will never meet my future husband, or my future kids if I choose to go that route. He will never watch me continue to succeed. Not here on this earth. That really has bothered me. I still have so much to accomplish in my life. Making my parents proud is so important to me. Making my father proud was very important to me. He exuded excellence, leadership, and achievement. 

Right before my father died, I spent a lot of time with him; essentially making him comfortable, and bonding. For some reason, a lot of commercials during that time were wedding based. I asked him, “ I wonder why all of these wedding commercials keep coming on?” He then laughed, and as I looked into his weak eyes, and saw his frail body;  I knew at that moment, that momentous marker in life would never happen together. These moments have been getting me down. 

So what has been helping? Exactly what I’m doing right now–writing. You do not have to have a full blown out blog, but expressing your feelings creatively is the perfect way to deal with your emotions, and grief. As much as I advocate mental health, unfortunately there are so many layers to my father’s death, and believe me when I say–this is a situation that I can not openly discuss. It’s a “if I told you, I’d have to kill you,” type of situation. No, I do not mean that literally. When the time comes to discuss, it will–but no time soon. 

PROVEN WAYS TO COPE WITH GRIEF:

1. Accept The Grieving Process

Each individual will have a different grieving journey. Respect your individual feelings, and do not let others coerce you to feel any other way than how you do. This is very important. 

2. Stay Busy

Focus on your mind, body, and soul. Working out 3-4 times a week will keep you not only looking good, but your mind will be centered. Meditation will help your focus, and if you’re spiritual–this is a great time to dig deeper within your religion, and creator. 

3. Clear Your Head 

Get some fresh air as much as you can, combined with long walks. Focus on self-care, as you already should be incorporating this time for yourself regardless. 

4. Lean On Your Support System 

You will find out who’s really who when you go through times of grief. Lean in on those who are leaning on you. If you want privacy like me, people will respect your space. Just make sure you have a mental deadline on when you would like to get together with your support system, as they want to spend time with you. Stay in communication via text or phone calls in the meantime. All of this will help you stay grounded during this process. You are not alone.

5. Understand The Difference Between Depression & Grief 

It can feel like you’re very alone and isolated during your grieving process. Realize that people love you, and you are not alone. Know the difference between depression and grief. Although similar, the main difference between the two is that grief is not a long-term condition. Instead, grief focuses on individual loss, versus individual worthlessness, and self doubt. 

For those going through a time of grief, we will get through this together. You really just have to take everything one day at a time.

-JLT 

Resources:

Grieving Forum: https://forums.grieving.com/

Grieving LIVE Chat- https://www.griefincommon.com/

Grieving Group  Discussion- https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/